a baby.

so, as i promised in this post, i wanted to talk about the baby i have been wanting since last year.

i always thought i’d be pregnant again by the time nugget was two, which was in the summer of 2009.

but when his second birthday rolled around. i ate too much cake, as usual & soon decided i was not ready to be pregnant again. well, what i mean is, i wasn’t ready for baby number two.  because i doubt i’ll ever be “ready” to be pregnant again. long story short… my pregnancy with nugget was very horrible. he’s lucky he’s so darn cute.

& i know, i know, “one can not wait for the perfect timing of everything, lest their life pass them by without having done much of anything”  – that’s actually not a real quote. i just made it up. cyber high-five.

but, i try to plan the big things. & it works for me.

so anyway, i decided that i would try to get pregnant in or around january of 2010.  giving myself another half year or so.

but, (and this is very hard for me to write about, & one of the reasons i never have) in the fall of 2009 my younger brother was diagnosed with cancer. non-hodgkins lymphoma. 8 inch mass in his chest.

the world has not been the same since.

he is still fighting. an exhausting battle. the tumor shrank, the tumor grew, the tumor would not budge, & now the tumor is shrinking but he is stage four & he needs a stem cell transplant.

last summer i found out that i was a perfect match for being his stem cell donor.

i can’t get pregnant until i donate.

but even after i donate, i really don’t want to get pregnant until he is completely through this, i feel very torn.

if you are inclined to, please say a prayer for my brother’s healing.

my faith is truly the only thing that calms me. the only thing that saves me on sometimes, very dark days.

life is difficult…

xo

Tagged as: another baby, cancer, cute baby girl, cute baby with balloons, non hodgkins lymphoma, sadness