all by myself.

so last saturday i was left behind like the cheese that stands alone.

my hubby and nugget went to my hubby’s parents house. i chose not to go because i had an earache and was overly tired because of it.

i wasn’t sure what i was going to do with my 3.5 hours of alone time.

i thought i’d vacuum, eat chocolate and perhaps finish watching one of my girly movies (currently in the middle of Breakfast at Tiffany’s). i thought maybe i’d work on a few songs i’ve been writing or make some headway with my long overdue coffee table book that’s been on the back burner. or maybe i’d practice my ballet without nugget trying to go inside the hole of my plie.

but i did none of the above.

oh wait, i did… i ate the chocolate. of course. i always get treats on saturday. just like a puppy. or peculiarly obedient human.

and after i ate my chocolate. i went to the couch and channel surfed and of course, the night that the tv is all mine, there is nothing but bad, boring, evil, or otherwise gross things on.

so i went into my closet and put on my green 4 inch heels that i’ve never worn out, they actually went well  with my nightshirt, especially after i put a belt on and turned it  into a mini dress. i put on my favorite lip gloss, for no other reason than i always get carried away.  i got my itouch and started searching itunes for some new artist that i found on pandora.

i found the perfect song.

i bought it.

i put my itouch in its pad and pressed play to the song i just purchased.

i lied on the couch.

closed my eyes.

breathed deep.

and cried.

and cried.

and then cried a little more.

not sobbing, just regular crying.

but it wasn’t like the crying we do over sentimental things or else happiness or when a song just makes you emotional.

no, i was crying from being so drained. i felt my heart shift into this moment, i finally had a moment to cry without being afraid that nugget or my husband might see. i’ve been going through a lot for the past ten months, i have never talked about it here, only because i haven’t decided if i want to. i still haven’t decided.

the song ended and i wiped the last of my tears while saying a prayer.

i went to the office and worked on some unfinished poetry for the rest of the time.

and that was it.

that was my night of freedom.

it’s ok though. i needed that moment more than  a chick flick.

and… after a dim-lit moment, comes a bright distinction (sooner or later)

xo